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-------HAVE YOU-------
1. Ever been so drunk you blacked out: no
2. Ever been missing: yes
3. Been hurt emotionally: hell yes
4. Kept a secret from everyone: quite a few
5. Had an imaginary friend when you were young: yes... Hairy Larry
6 Wanted to hook up with a friend: not really
7. Had a crush on a teacher: yes... he wasn't even hot :(
8. Ever thought an animated character was hot: uhm...no
9. What was the last new movie you saw: a series of unfortunate events
-------RIGHT NOW-------
1. I'm wearing: red/orange plaid pajama pants and a black camisole
2. Hair is: up
3. Eating: nothing
4. Drinking: Coke
5. Thinking about: my mess of a life
6. Talking to: no one
--------THE LAST 24 HOURS--------
1. Cried: yes
2. Worn a skirt: no
3. Met someone new: no one worth remembering
4. Cleaned a room: yes
5. Done laundry: yes
6. Drove a car: yes
------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------
1. Yourself: sometimes, yes
2. Your friends: usually, yes
3. Santa Claus: uhm, yesss. duuhhh.
4. Frodo: frodo schmodo
5. Tooth Fairy: no... stupid bitch
6. Destiny/Fate: yes, i think so
7. Angels: no
8. Ghosts: yes
9. UFO's: why not?
-----RIGHT NOW-----
1. Who have you known the longest of your friends: hmmmm... courtney prolly
2. Who is the loudest of your friends?: julia.
3. Who do you cry for? myself
4. Worst feeling: rejection
5. Who will read this and steal it for their own blog? who knows... you're all kleptos
6. Whose blog did you steal it from? random
~scribbled by jen sometime around 10:28 PM
i feel so lost. like, everything's passing by at an incredible speed and i just can't keep up anymore... i've been drowning for the past 20 years and i'm finally growing numb. why do people suck? why do they have to be such complete wastes of time?
you would think that with the amount of times i've been burned, i'd learn my lesson. take my advice: friends, no matter how close they are, will hurt you at some point. in fact, the closer they are, the deeper the wound. it never fails. it's like they're just standing there with the knife waiting for the exact moment you turn you're back. and then bam. and trust me, you'll never see it coming.
people know things about themselves... things that other people would never understand. things that people would hate... judge... ridicule... because they don't understand, nor do they try.
through the years, i've built a wall. and it's so hard to let people in... i always seem to get hurt. and i'm so tired of hurting... maybe i am the complete waste of time.
i'm sorry.
~scribbled by jen sometime around 11:36 PM
i slept right through my orthodontist appt. today. my phone woke me at like, 2:00 and my mom was like, "did you go to your appt. today?" uhhhh... that's a negative, mom. she then proceeded with, "jesus christ. you're so fucking stupid." okayyy... not really. but that's sooo what she was thinking.
oh, and ya, my friends suck. eddie and casey are leaving me for UNC. and mandy is leaving with eddie. and i'm happy for them, really, i am... it just kind of sucks, you know? and they're leaving in early January. kind of short notice you fucking dumbasses. thanks for letting me know TWO WEEKS before you leave. but congratulations, you stupid assholes. despite your faggishness, i'm still happy for you. no really.... ;) sleep with one eye open.
i still haven't finished my Christmas shopping... i need to get Ben something. i was thinking a gift certificate for Gamestop... and i still haven't put together my grandpap's present. the pieces are cut out, i just have to stain and assemble them. and i really don't feel like it. i'll be gluing this shit together at 4:30 Christmas morning or something. just watch.
oh, and MP: Echoes is awesome. like you ever had a doubt, right?
~scribbled by jen sometime around 10:57 PM
i'm taking it upon myself to enstate a new rule at Fire Mountain. you may be familiar with this rule, for it is called, 'the five second rule.' when this rule is in effect, and you drop food on the floor, you are obligated to pick it back up. you may choose to eat it, or not eat it... but you have to pick it up. WITHIN five seconds... or the rule below will go into effect.
the only exception is when you drop the entire plate, or hold the plate sideways so everything falls off. if that happens, a different rule will go into effect called, "let Jen beat you with the broom." but no worries, i will beat you in the friendliest possible manner... because that's what we're all about at Fire Mountain. /rant
but that's not what i really want to write about.
as we all know, yesterday was my birthday. i'm 20 now... i don't feel any different. people still say i look like i'm 12. i would have at least thought that i might look 13 by now.
oh well.
in any case, this was one of my favorite birthdays. and if he is reading his, Jamie i have you to thank for that. so thank you, hun. you gave me the biggest smile. :)
~scribbled by jen sometime around 10:28 PM
...because i truly find myself in a wanqlip.
...and i have a massive [headache]...........
.....
if someone calls you at 4:30 in the morning to tell you they're engaged, what would you do?
someone you've known pretty much you're entire life... but haven't talked to in awhile.
and she shall remain nameless.
but most of you already know who i'm talking about anyway.
unless you haphazardly stumbled upon this blog... in which case you will never know whom i'm talking about.
and oh my god... my head fucking hurts.
anyway... i'm happy for her. i'm glad she's finally happy. i know she's had a rough time. so congratulations, dear.
thank you for awaking me from a moment's rest. ;)
i need an aspirin.
on a seperate note... my grandparents took me to Fire Mountain for a "birthday dinner." it was nice.
i was sooooo tempted just to stick my finger in all of the food.
i restrained myself... no worries.
~scribbled by jen sometime around 9:14 PM
Mountain ranges Morning red bathed ridges Stab up at the trembling blue horizon Grey slides lazily off rooftops Lands on the incandescent ground and dies A flock of little men touch down on the thin surface of porchlight Dawn's foot-soldiers return to march the twilight across our faces Skylights ignite and explode Scattering shards of april around the room No one even lives here We're too busy crashing our cars every morning in the same house Paving the same roads Unwilling to walk them And even when we extend ourselves, its only to be included In a moment that stands still And so often we don't struggle to improve conditions We struggle for the right to say "We improved conditions" And so often we form communities Only to use them as exclusionary devices And we forget that somewhere a man is beside himself with grief And somewhere people are calling for teachers And no one's answering Somewhere a man stands, walks across the room, and breaks his nose against the door And somewhere these people are keeping records And writing a book For now we can call it "The Book About the Basic Flaw" or "The Book About the Letter A"Or "Any Title That a Book About a Man That No One Cares About Might Have"And as we turn the pages we call out the sounds of nothing The sounds of a vanishing alphabet Standing here waiting.
~scribbled by jen sometime around 5:32 PM
fuck you.
~scribbled by jen sometime around 12:05 AM
i think i've said this before... in fact, i know i've said this before... they need to put some fucking stoplights in the Wal-Mart parking lot. seriously. before someone gets hurt.
nobody pays attention the goddamn stop signs. they're like, british royalty... they're there for the sake of tradition.
in fact... i bet if i went up there right now and stole one of those signs, no one would notice. but, you know, i can't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk... doctor's orders... you know how it is. of course... that excludes any chairs and/or highchairs located in or around Fire Mountain. heaven forbid i put my health over the job.
but back to Wal-Mart... i went in there to get a bag of Doritos. ALL I WANTED WAS A BAG OF DORITOS. and i was like, mauled by the Christmas shoppers....
you know what? they need some stoplights inside the fucking building, too. like, at the end of the aisles. you know what i'm talking about... we've all been there.
there's the over-enthused grandma charging down the the cooking aisle in order to make it to the toy section like it's the fucking Fountain of Youth to buy her grandson the new Spiderman action figure.
and the confused housewife who can't seem to find the automotive section even though it's right in front of her face. and if she LOOKED UP she can see the goddamn tires hanging behind the sign that says AUTOMOTIVE. but no. she chooses to go .000000001 mph with an empty shopping cart through the cramped aisles searching for any sign of an AUTOMOBILE.
then you can't forget the overweight, hygeine-lacking middle aged man walking in front of you who, apparently, just ate every burrito Taco Bell had to offer, along with five pounds of baked beans, 3 pounds of which landed on his shirt. and he can't seem to hold in his gaseous secretions. you pray that he's looking for the restroom... but your hope drains as he seems to be going exactly where you want to go.
and the children... oh, the children. the 4-year old children whose parents let them push the carts even though they can't see where they're going. and they run into everyone and everything within 2-foot range. and the parents laugh. and the kids laugh. and it's all just so fucking funny that the child can't see where he's going and he knocks over the over-enthused grandma. well, she's not laughing.
she's going to sue Wal-Mart. because they didn't have any fucking stoplights in the building.
~scribbled by jen sometime around 3:05 AM
how are you today?
~scribbled by jen sometime around 2:13 AM